When Fashionista was 15, there was this 14 year old kid who had a crush on her. Nobody made any big announcement about it; it was just obvious and everyone who hung around in her circle of friends knew it. I knew it. And my husband, I.T. knew it. We also knew that this young whippersnapper was trying to drum up the courage to ask I.T. if he could date Fash.
And so it happened that one Friday evening after a performance of Fiddler on the Roof, as we stood congratulating crew and cast members, which included Fash and Whippersnapper, I.T. saw out of the corner of his eye- Whippersnapper approaching. Anticipating something this father was not in favor of, I.T. folded his muscular, football -player- from -way- back arms across his chest and pursed his lips into the serious face. Whippersnapper bobbed his way through the sea of well-wishers, planted his feet in front of I.T., smiled up at him with quivering lips and questioningly began.."Mr. I.T...." to which I.T., not allowing the rest of the question, firmly and promptly replied, "NO." Whippersnapper crumpled like a Valentine in the hands of a deliverer who changed his mind, as he faded back into the crowd.
I always felt a little sorry for Whippersnapper. He seemed like a nice enough boy. But I fully agreed with I.T.. We didn't like what the current culture called "dating" and we didn't want our daughter to fall in and be carried along that mainstream. Especially not at age 15.
As the years passed, Whippersnapper, while maintaining his adventurous spirit, grew into a polite, young man with a passion to know and serve the Lord, Jesus. He didn't change his mind about Fash. At Christmas time, 2009, he mustered up his courage to approach I.T. again to ask if he could date Fash.
Funny thing, but I.T.'s schedule really began to fill up in the days and weeks that followed that request, so this meeting kept getting re-scheduled. The truth was we still didn't like what the culture called "dating", even if Fash was now 18, but we weren't sure what our best advice could be. We grew up in the 70's and early 80's. What profound knowledge regarding relationships did we have that we could impart to these young adults? We only knew there had to be a better way than what we experienced and what we currently saw going on in the world of dating. I asked the Lord to show me.
Shortly after, I visited the other bookstore owned by Kregel, my employer, for a few more Christmas gifts. This title jumped out at me: Sex180-the next revolution by Chip Ingram and Tim Walker. I picked it up and started reading.
"Sex180 is for people who want something different-drastically different. A full 180 degrees different. It's for people who want a revolution-a second sexual revolution-to happen with them, their friends, their family, their school, and their world. It's time. Because the way things are now...well, they're not so great."
That's what I.T. and I wanted for Fash and this young man. We wanted them to help redefine dating for the culture- to be living examples of a better, higher way to be involved in a relationship. We wanted them to consider God's word regarding relationships and to seek his way in that area of their lives. We wanted them to be a part of the next revolution, the one that would undo the sexual revolution of the 60's- the one that would replace brokenness and shame with respect, integrity, honor and devotion to the One who created relationships in the first place.
I bought the book. Fash and I read it. We told I.T. all about it. I.T. and I talked about it. The wisdom within the pages of that book, based on God's word, concerning relationships and sex paved the way for the discussion that soon followed.
The young man, Fash, I.T. and I enjoyed an unforgettable evening sharing our thoughts about dating- Hollywood's version that the world seems to follow and God's version, as described in the book, Sex180. What began as a request from a young man for permission to date our daughter turned into a thoughtful opportunity to explore, "what is dating anyway?" And then to talk about the love and care God has for each of us and how that love and care can be mirrored in relationships.
Sex180 is not about another t-shirt or a promise ring or a card you sign and stick in your wallet. The teaching in this book goes way beyond "just wait until you're married". It's about a whole new way of relating to the opposite sex, about becoming the right person instead of chasing after the right person. It is time to stop manipulating people, leaving a trail of debris behind us and living with regrets. The price the culture demands is too high; it has already cost us too much. It's time to turn to God, to his word and his way of loving others. It's time to live out this thing called the Christian faith in every aspect of our lives, including how we do relationships, such that the current template for dating is turned upside down- 180 degrees of difference.
The young man left our house with a copy of the book and he tells me he is reading it. I believe him. Fash and this young man and many others like them: you were created for such a time as this. Read the book, read the Book and be prepared to "... give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." 1Peter 3:15 . Welcome to the revolution.
