Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Whatever

The Sam Walton's gift to the world in my town employs a shopping cart handler, who reminds me of my late Uncle Walt. For this reason, I call ours- Walt-Mart. Every time I shop there, I vow I will never do it again. But the prices are low, blah, blah, blah... I should not be this ungrateful, I know. Thank you Mr. Walton.

Fashionista thought she saw a swimsuit top to die for at Walt-Mart, so she drove us over there to scout for it. Soon she will have her license and I will not have to travel white knuckled with a death grip on the shoulder strap of the seat belt and leaning sharply toward the center console in the passenger's seat beside her. The parking part is my favorite. I'm always relieved to exit the cab and air out my pits, while I spit powdered enamel from teeth clenched so tightly, grinding is unnecessary. My molars recede with each practice drive.
After thanking Walt, but we did not need a cart today, I sulked after Fashionista toward the swimwear section. Suddenly, I sensed, out of the corner of my astigmatic right eye, a stalker at 4 o'clock behind me. I say stalker, because an internal alarm rang furiously, indicating an invasion of my personal space. And my palms were feeling clammy. Trying to give benefit of the doubt, I tested my hypothesis. When I moved slightly right, the space invader moved slightly right. A 90 degree turn to the left and the move was imitated again. Sweat beaded up on my lip.
Then, as if nothing had happened, the following figure nonchalantly stepped around me to within three inches of my nose and exclaimed,


"I like your shirt."

It took me a couple seconds to recompose. Then I remembered the words on my back.

"Uh, oh that, oh, right, right, thanks," I managed a squeak of gratitude to the up close in person woman.

The front of this t-shirt says "Whatever", a word forbidden by I.T.-ologist, because whenever our kids said whatever, it always really meant "I don't care" or "I'm not listening" or "go fly a kite" or any number of disrespectful comments they wished they could say instead. By wearing this shirt I can reclaim a perfectly good word corrupted by the current culture and proclaim the Good Word in the process.


The Whatever shirt is a particularly good choice when swimsuit shopping. It lends positive perspective to a hopeless situation. As always, we did not find the killer swimsuit top. Now we are forced to visit the maul mall, where we will have another big old bawl, when for the umpteenth time we'll be reminded that a noninvasive bathing suit top (or bottom) simply does not exist- anymore.
I'll take whatever she's wearing (below). It's from about 1900. Perfect for a day at the beach in Michigan.
Heidi


Sunday, June 7, 2009

Better than Vicks VapoRub

When I was about seven our family moved to Hamilton, Illinois. This distanced us from the majority of our relatives, who lived in Ohio, by enough miles that it took at least eleven hours to backtrack for a visit. Therefore, we did not see Grandpa Davis and the gang as often as we would have liked. But we got to know him pretty well vicariously through my mother's love and admiration for him. One thing we learned was, while he was not a medical doctor, he could cure most illnesses by swabbing the inside of the throat with a gob of black goo that smelled like turpentine, delivering it on the end of a skewer length Q-tip. After that his instructions were to rub a thick coating of Vicks VapoRub all over the chest and go directly to bed. At the onset of any cold, my mother would pull out our little jar of the salve and launch into this story, while I imagined Grandpa's barrel sized vat of Vicks VapoRub, probably kept in the coal room of his basement, beneath a cloud of fumes hovering just under the lid.

Of course the greater lesson was: When visiting Grandpa, do not, under any circumstance, ever say, "my throat hurts."

Sometime last week, I walked into our bathroom and noticed the familiar smell of Vicks VapoRub. Funny, nobody had been sick. I opened the double doors of the built in cabinet and scanned the area- two deep shelves jammed with bathroom and not -so -bathroom related items. The medicine type bottles and jars congregated middle left. I spied the Vicks VapoRub. Indeed the jar had escaped from its box, but when I sniffed near it, I did not smell the rub.

The next day, the noxious odor was more pronounced. I flung open the doors and inhaled. Pure menthol. I snatched up the Vicks jar and pushed it against my nose. The aroma was not emanating from this likely suspect. I packaged the innocent back into its box and closed the cupboard.

The day after that, a trip into the bathroom was enough to clear blocked sinuses. I upped the investigation by moving members of the cabinet, as in a game of chess, to see what might lie beneath or behind or beside. But nothing. Then it occurred to me, this could be a handy cure for the common cold. No more greasy, smelly chests. Sore throats and stuffy noses disappear with a few deep breaths from the open cabinet. I took a big drag through my nose. It really worked! At dinner, I told the family about it. Everyone had noticed the scent. Someone suggested we tack a flyer to a telephone pole in the neighborhood offering allergy relief to the masses. The thought was satisfying.

But on the fourth day the gas was emitting into the hallway. By the time I entered the bathroom, my eyes were so full of tears that I could not see. I would have to clean the cupboard. After eleven years of never cleaning it, this was going to be an all day task.

One by one I plucked each item from the abyss and placed it on the vanity behind me. I soon had a four foot long pile of medicine, candles, fossilized shampoo, soap rocks, vials of perfume, shells from the ocean, a feathered, black crow (that scared me to death at first touch) a kleenex box saved for its color scheme (the same one I'd hoped to use for redecorating the yet unpainted bathroom) face crayons for clowning, a miniature baby Jesus in a plastic cap manger decorated with brown construction paper in a basket weave design, a laminated place mat made by Outside the Box when he was in second grade that had been proclaiming to its cupboard mates for the past ten years that I was the best mom, a million tiny this and thats and a bottle of Tiger Balm Arthritis Rub, which had gooshed its guts out- the aromatic culprit. Below is a cross section of the loot. Tiger Balm Arthritis Rub ingredients include: camphor, menthol, cajuput oil (an extremely pungent heat rub developed in about 1870 as a decongestant inhalant) which explained the healing effect when opening the cupboard- and methylsulfonylmethane. So, I figured we were lucky the shelving hadn't disintegrated.

Obviously, this was the only way this cupboard would ever have gotten cleaned out. I threw away countless artifacts, but I returned the place mat so I will be reminded again in ten years that: "What is as lovely as my mother? An orange sunset at the day's end. A golden finch against the sun. A yellow tulip at tulip time. It's true all of these are lovely, But none are as lovely as you. The Best Mom." And I slid baby Jesus back into place among the myriad of suntan lotions, because I like the idea of always being able to find God in the midst of every circumstance.

There's still a faint wisp of menthol floating among the organization of that cupboard, just enough to keep me thinking about the possibility of patenting my invention of a special cabinet drenched in Tiger Balm Arthritis Rub, where the healing stench stays in the closet and owners need only fling wide the door and breathe to clear stuffed nasal passages and soothe a sore throat.

This is a welcome improvement on Grandpa's gagging technique. I know all my cousins will buy one. Would you?












Heidi

Friday, June 5, 2009

Friday's Fave Five


#40
Thanks Susanne at Living to Tell the Story for the fun Friday party. I already posted today, but I really wanted to do this again and it's only Friday once a week!


#5. Goat Milk? Well I do! I used to get it all the time from a farmer gal, but the goat dried up and it was the end of the deal. BUT now I found another mother goat and farmer girl and we are in with the goat milk again! Yeah! (Fashionista is lactose intolerant, but goat milk works fine and if the goats don't eat anything yucky, the milk tastes superb)


#4.Robin at Be Still and Know was talking about iced coffee today and after that I craved iced coffee sooo bad. Guess what? In the mailbox was a coupon for a FREE iced coffee (no purchase necessary- bonus!) from McDonalds. This is their latest menu item. It comes in mocha and caramel. I got the caramel and it was deliciofabuarvelous! Mmmm. I love it how these things just work out so fine.


#3.Don't have to cook- AGAIN- tonight- more graduation open houses than you can shake a stick at around here and the invites have flooded our box this year. Fun! Fireworks at this one! Ooooo aaahhh.


#2. All the cute kids who have been hibernating over the freezing Michigan winter, that is only now just beginning to abate, are scootin' around the neighborhood and gigglin' at, like, 6 a.m. every morning! That wakes me up and is better than any alarm clock radio sound.


#1. Did you see that I struck the 'a' from the word goat in #5? Uh huh, that's right, I'm bad. Go tell it on the mountain, John Boy! Robin showed us how. Yes. Us. Because the only dumb question is the one you do not ask- go, newbie bloggers and those who don't know, to my post entitled "Follow" from Thursday, scroll to the comments and learn how. I love blogschool!


#1. While counting up my followers doesn't give my life purpose and meaning (see my post Whose Line (Life) is it Anyway?) I do find it fun that some people are reading my blog of their own free will- so thank you 20 followers.

Follow




Fashionista and I are reading Isaiah. That's where a whole bunch of people get warned about the destruction that is coming their way- the consequence they have to face for their insistence on going every way, but God's way. But He does promise that there will be a remnant and from it He will build a nation of followers. He will ultimately save His people and be glorified among the nations- forever.

I am thankful to identify with the remnant. I have heard the voice of the Lord and have been given epiphany eyes to see the truth of his word- in bits with struggles, but still with joy... As for every knee bowing and tongue confessing- we wait I guess. It's coming. So, that's the important following I do.

The not so important, but fun and hobby type following I do, is the following of blogs. And I have noticed that I am over following many blogs. What I mean is, I am following many blogs twice. Two 2 Thinks profile icons are sitting in grids on many blogs. I want to apologize for this. I told one blogger already and now I am telling all, I don't know how I got my pic on your grid two times. Furthermore, I don't know how to take one off and leave one on, so that I can properly follow you one time and quit messing up your grid. I have studied it, though. Just haven't figured it out, yet. I'm sorry for that annoyance.

These are some of the other questions I hope to have answered before China becomes the next super power of the world- officially:

How do you type a line through a word and have it show up that way, anyway?

Where do you get those buttons with HTML code underneath that others can grab and paste on their site in order to participate in fun, weekly blog parties like " Friday Faves" and "Thankful Thursday" and "30x5" ?

And what about the awards and trophies and such that so many bloggers are proudly displaying in their sidebars- where do those come from, who gives those out, do you register to win them or submit to a contest, is there a blog board?

Where is the bling? The colorful, jazzy buttons you all have lighting up your sidebars. Is it even called a sidebar? How can a blogger get a sidebar on both sides? I don't see any templates like that at blogspot. Are there free ones? What if you switch to one, do you lose your current blog contents?

Is it legal to go to Google and grab any picture you want and post it on your blog? I've been doing that and then checking my e-mail box for fines or warning notices.

Finally, for now, how did those drawings of that suntanning lady get on this post? That is incredible. How long might that have taken, I wonder? I know that's grad school level stuff.

The bloggers I read are some of the most intelligent, creative, humorous, inspiring individuals on the face of the planet. Refreshing.

Heidi

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Thankful Thursday

Thankful Thursday at Truth 4 the JourneyThought I'd participate in this thankful Thursday party sponsored by Truth4thejourney.

#1. Pilgrim got a job in California! Yeah! I am thankful.
#2. That annual test came back 'normal'. Yeah! Thankful again.
#3. Planted the veggies and some petunias. Thankful for growing things and summer coming.
#4. 40winkzzz party was fun! Thankful for friendships.
#5. I.T.-ologist hasn't strangled me yet for blogging all hours of the day and night. Really, though, I am thankful to be alive! Life is good.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Whose Line (Life) Is It Anyway?

The farther I wander down Blogger's Path, the more enlightened I am about the propensity toward turning every daily thought and deed into a potential post- it's simply involuntary for bloggers. It's as natural as breathing or itching a mosquito bite. Bloggers are writers, even if not renowned authors. And I'm amazed every day at how many writers there actually are and how much commonality exists between these writers. I used to think that the generation and regeneration of words forming and organizing themselves in my head all day long, as I brush my teeth, dry my hair, drive to anywhere, fry chicken, plant tomatoes...was an experience unique to me -just part of the way God cleverly designed me with an entertainment center built into my head. But no. It is an idiosyncrasy of the writer. But how many of these words and ideas are ever truly original?

I am discovering that the thoughts and experiences and even the words of the blog writers in my new world, while different in the particulars, are surprisingly similar to my own!

Here are a few personal examples:

One of the very first posts I ever read was one about the fear of traveling written by Lid, who was about to go on an airplane. I remember after reading it I thought that it really could have been me who wrote it. Not that I would have written it that well or with that same sharp wit and wonderful words. I couldn't have done that. But the person Lid was writing about, who is more than a little afraid to fly and isn't so savvy at getting around in unfamiliar cities- that person is me, to a T. At the bottom of the post were 18 comments from people who were also that person. Yesterday, 37 others, including myself were the person in Lid's story that unrolled, revealing that many have walked out of a store forgetting to pay for an item in their cart.

Earlier this week I read MyADHDMe's post on tanning and the part about copping the perfect tan in the olden days was quite parallel to how we used to get one in 1979- right down to the slathering on of baby oil and trying to drum up the patience to remain lateral on the lounge chair under the sun for more than 15 minutes. I had already written my own version of that post.

On another occasion I was thinking about how behind the times I am and how my new blogging fever was "bringing my computer skills up into the 21st century". Later I was reading my real time friend and blogger Best Bets and that very day she posted those very words.

This morning the phenomenon presented again, only not in blogland, but in bookland.

First some background.

I have more driving hang-ups than I have hooks to hang them up on. This subject is so broad it must wait for another post. But because of my driving dilemmas, my concerned and protectoral husband gave me a GPS for Christmas this past year. I love that talking wonder to smithereens, especially when she says, "you have arrived". I cannot express how relieved and happy I always feel when she assures me that I have arrived. Since Christmas I have been thinking about how I am this person who is definitely waiting to "arrive"- not just to the museum downtown, but to that place in life where I'll know for sure that I am what I am supposed to be and am doing what I am supposed to be doing. I've been mulling this over for about four months and was recently thinking about using it to create a thought provoking post.

For Mother's Day, Outside the Box bought me a copy of a shiny, orange book called Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist. From the very first paragraph, I was the person Shauna was writing about in the book. It was uncanny, especially because I'd been noticing all those shared brain waves I was having with so many bloggers. I was becoming unnerved. As Shauna began to reveal more details about who she was and her childhood etc., I rested easier. We did have separate identies, but I still connected with the heart of each chapter, so it was perfect. I was enjoying the book. Then this morning, still lying in my warm, comfy bed, I picked up Cold Tangerines and turned to page 207 where I had left off the night before. When I got to the very last paragraph on the page, I found this:

*"My dad used to have one of those cars where you can plug in your destination and the woman's voice will tell you where to turn and when to stop to get you there. And when you get there, she says, in this totally dramatic, slightly sexy, slow voice, "You. Have. Arriiiiiiived."

Oh. My. Gosh. I couldn't turn the page. I couldn't believe I just read those words in this book. I would never use my brilliant analogy in a post. Was this possible? I did make myself read on, but there was a tight feeling in my chest:

*"And we burst out (turn the page) laughing at each other the first time we heard it. We wanted her to say it again. We wanted to plug in more places, and then go to them, just so that she would tell us again that We. Have. Arrived. It was the greatest car in the world. You knew, cognitively, that she was a computer, and that she was only talking about arriving at the dry cleaner, but another part of you just melted when she said it. "Me? Me? I've arrived? Thank you! Say it again!"

Yep. That was pretty much it. My thoughts exactly, except I didn't have the whole car, just the GPS unit. Shauna goes on to make the comparison of how she, for so long, had been waiting to arrive, to get to wherever it was she was going and stay there. She concludes that "we will not arrive. But we can become"- by just keeping on moving forward etc. etc. She makes a beautiful statement at the end of this chapter, but I won't ruin it for you here.

I stewed over this for about two minutes, then I plunked my feet on the floor and walked fervently to the kitchen carrying the shiny, orange book. How did I feel? How did I really feel?

Outside the Box appeared, looking for breakfast. I explained the whole thing to him, the long version from beginning to end- about my commonality with blog writers and my idea for a post with a you have arrived analogy. I used all my best arguments to defend my feelings where needed. He listened with a slight knowing smile he inherited from his father. Then he gave me the 22 year old with a college degree rebuttal of what I had just said.

He reminded me that God created us all in his image and while we all have our individual identities, as a whole we are the body of Christ, one in the same. Humanity identifies with itself quite naturally. He said it has been this way since forever. Additionally, if you take a group of people who all like to write, who are, for the most part, in this case, all from the North American continent and who all have computers- then you already have a semi-homogeneous group. He expounded these spiritual and scientific points until he had it all figured out. Then he ate his eggs, bacon and toast and left.

One crumb of his food for thought stuck in my mind:

He'd just had dinner the night before with his former roommate from college, a scholar from a small village in Kenya who had received a rare opportunity to study in the United States. The boy had recently received two calls of distress from his mother, who was home in Kenya. There wasn't enough clean water for all of the villagers and that was causing all sorts of problems for the people there. Outside the Box challenged me to identify with that.

While I was unscrambling this brain breakfast, Fashionista finally roused and scuffled her way into the kitchen. She proceeded to tell me about her Tuesday evening. Downtown, at the weekly, outdoor swing dancing event, some kid was taking a survey for his church. He had approached Fashionista and her friends and asked them question #1."What gives your life meaning and purpose?"

She looked at me, "So what would you say, Mom?"

I needed more coffee. But I did learn this. If being the first person to publish what I think is an original thought gives my life meaning and purpose, it is time to take a trip to Kenya.

*Niequist, Shauna. Cold Tangerines. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2007

Heidi

Monday, June 1, 2009

Roof and Re-doo

I.T.-ologist and I went biking around the neighborhood looking at roofs on Friday night. What color roof do most red brick houses with white shutters have? That was the million dollar question of the evening. We're getting a new roof and wouldn't you know black is not the only roof color out there. I never noticed that before. I notice when the sun leaves a sky full of deep red-orange. Or when the mailman forgets to put the flag down. Oil on the driveway doesn't escape me. I found a wooley bear crawling in the corner of the garage last week.

But I never noticed that my row after row of suburban neighbors had anything other than standard black roofs. We biked by tan roofs and black with red and white alternating shingles. There were green roofs and a blue sparkley one. Some were black fading to grey and then to white and back to black. One even looked sort of like the pattern on the wooley bear. Many matched the color of the brick on the house or contrasted perfectly with the siding.

Anyway, we're having a hard time picturing any other color on the top of our house besides the black that is already there.
We tabled the decision and pedaled on over to the Frosty Treat.

There, a boy about 8 years old cut in front of me while I was making another really big decision- vanilla ice cream in a cone or turtle sundae. The girl inside bent down and peered out the window at him. He held up a yellow square of ice cream on a stick. I assume it once looked like this, but his had two hollow spots where the eyes were missing and his red part was beginning to frown.

He said to the ice cream girl, "Can I have a re-doo?" It didn't immediately register with her what he was saying and she asked him to repeat. He said, "A re-doo. This isn't what I expected."

I couldn't wait to hear how she was going to handle this, but the boy's mother, just noticing he had gone up to the window, rushed to her rescue and told the ice cream girl that she'd already explained to her son that they don't do re-doo's and that he had to live with his choice. I felt sorry for the kid and I really wanted to see what the ice cream people train their employees to say at times like these. But I also had to hand it to the mother for taking advantage of the teachable moment- think carefully about your choice, then stick with it and make it work.

This whole incident made me just a bit nervous. I wasn't going to be able to get a re-doo. I ordered the turtle. It was exactly what I expected and so was the spare tire that appeared around my waist as I ate it.

Over at the picnic table area where I sat packing on the pounds, while I.T. ate his humble little vanilla in a small cone, I saw the Sponge Bob boy. He wasn't eating the yellow melty square pants. A little girl not too far from him was licking away at that. He was enjoying blue moon in a cup with a spoon. I smiled at his ingenuity.
I'm guessing this boy knows the color of every roof in his neighborhood.
So, any thoughts on what color roof looks best on a red brick house with white trim?
Heidi