The Little Red Hen, My Version

Before the story, please pray for Kat, who will have surgery tomorrow- Thursday. Thank you!

Gut issues.

We have them here.

Various types.

A remedy for one type, that I have been reading about lately, is going gluten-free. I decided we'd try that. Harvest Health is about the only store we have around here that has semi-affordable (but still expensive), non-traditional foodstuffs, so I went there. The plan was to bake my own gluten-free bread. I didn't exactly write down exactly what I'd need- I went by memory from what the book had said.

Brown rice flour, tapioca flour, potato starch flour- these all rang a bell. I bought two bags of the first two and one box of the third. Garbanzo Bean flour. I whispered it out loud slowly with exaggerated lip movement and a little bend of my knee " Gar-BAHN-zoh" - it didn't ring a bell, but it had such a nice ring. I took one bag. Fourteen boxes and bags of gluten-free baking ingredients later, I was home stocking the pantry.

A couple weeks passed by. A few friends asked, "How was the gluten-free bread?"

I just smiled, "Haven't baked it yet." And I went on my way.

I opened the cupboard and looked at the special flours several times in those two, or maybe three, weeks and then I shut the door and cooked up some chicken and rice.

A week ago Sunday, I finally decided to bake the bread. I hauled out the fourteen bags and boxes of gluten-free ingredients, my biggest glass bowl, a plastic spoon and several measuring cups. I propped open the library book (with the big sticker on the inside cover that says, "Library Cookbooks DO NOT belong in the kitchen! Please copy the recipes before trying them.....") to the page with the gluten-free bread recipe and began to read.

First and main ingredient: White Rice Flour. I surveyed the boxes and bags on the counter: Brown Rice Flour, Tapioca Flour, Potato Starch Flour, Xanthum Gum......"Gar-BAHN- Zoh Bean Flour" (I lifted the bag and gave it a little Moroccan shake). Where's that White Rice Flour? I found none. Hmm. I flipped through the book. Could I substitute brown for white? No info. How about the internet- clicked around- couldn't find enough evidence that it would work with certainty in this particular recipe. I couldn't risk it on my first try.

"Who will help me bake this bread?" "Not I", said the cookbook. "Not I", said the internet. "Then I will have to bake it myself," said the Little Red Hen.

I hopped in the car, zoomed over to the nearest grocery, scanned the small section of health foods and found the White Rice Flour. It was $3.79 for a one pound bag. Right next to it was a bag of white flour for $3.39 for a one pound bag. Hey, I don't need the best stuff! I bought the cheaper brand.

Halfway home I was waiting at a stop sign and my eyes fell on the bag of flour. This is when I noticed the words "High Gluten". HIGH GLUTEN? Wait a minute- wa chu talkin' 'bout, Willis? High Gluten was definitely not going to help me make the gluten-free bread. Maybe I didn't need the "best" stuff, but I did need the "right" stuff. Sheesh! I turned around, went back, exchanged the flours and the cashier charged 40 cents to my debit card.

At 8:30 p.m., I assembled the bread. It refused to rise in my cold, Michigan kitchen. I turned the oven to 400 degrees, set the bowl of dough, covered with a towel, on the edge of the stove top, and opened the oven door, so the yeast could feel the heat. Warmed our kitchen right up too. About this time, I.T. sauntered through commenting that he now knew why loaves of gluten-free bread in the supermarket cost $6.75 each. (He only knew the half of it)

At 10:00 p.m. my Sunbeam hand mixer (yeah, no Kitchen-Aid here) started smokin', so I built some muscle in my right bicep beatin' the blubber out of that puffball of dough.

I must have done something right (or wrong), because the bread rose a second time, so high it lopped over itself onto the stove top. I made dinner rolls out of the spillage.

At 11:00 p.m. the timer buzzed. "Who will help me eat this bread?" asked the Little Red Hen. "I will!" said the I.T., "I will!" said the Fash.

By 11:15 p.m., the bread was almost- gone.