Another Sleepless Night and Thankful

When Fashionista's work shift began at 7 p.m., I knew not to expect her home too early. After all, the Mostly Strapless and See-Through Teensy Clothing Shop where she works closes at 9 p.m. on Wednesdays. She'd been employed for a special cleaning assignment; inspectors were arriving on Thursday. But when it got to be 2:15 a.m., the butterflies in my stomach were in full flight.

I texted her "Where r u?" No reply. I sat on the porch swing. No headlights came swinging around the corner. None.

At 3:30 a.m. I woke I.T.. "Fash isn't home," I said. "Okay," he snored.

Okay nothing. At 4:00 a.m. I texted her "It's 4am. What on earth! I'm frantic! CALL ME!" But I know she isn't allowed to have her phone on while working. There was no reply.

Now words like kidnapped were playing in my mind...

I phoned mall security, "My daughter has never been this late before, can you check the parking lot!? She works at the Mostly Strapless and See-Through Teensy Clothing Shop?! IS ANYONE THERE?!?!?!"

I hoped the guy on the other end of the line had a gun and was ready and eager to dispatch "calling all cars","Where does she usually park, ma'am. Oh. The Mostly Strapless and See-Through Teensy Clothing Shop? Yes ma'am, they are still working in there?"

At 6 AM, for crying out loud, my cell phone rang, "Sorry mom, we're rearranging the entire store. Mom...mom...sorry... I'm sorry, mom. It takes a long time. Done? I dunno. The store opens at 10 a.m., I guess we'll be done by then...."

Good grief. I'm thankful she is safe. I hope she gets home soon, I haven't slept yet.

At the end of the day, or in the middle of the night, absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I know that I know that I know that I know- that God is in control. He brought the entire world into being and he does what he does without consulting me (thank goodness). I trust him. I do. And I hope and believe that come what may, I will keep on trusting him for better or worse; that is what faith requires. I am persuaded that his love for me is far greater than my comprehension. I know he is for me and not against me, because the Bible tells me so. And I know that one day we will meet face to face (and maybe I will ask him a million questions or maybe I won't feel the need to anymore).

In the meantime...

I will call mall security, phone the National Guard and get the information security specialists from as far away as San Diego up here, if I must- to bring that Fashionista safely home!

Sometimes being a mother means a long third shift.

More Thankful Thursday posts at Greg's General Store.

Thankful Thursday

It feels good to be back to blogging a bit, which includes participation in a couple of my favorite memes, such as Thankful Thursday hosted by the ever green thumbed and happiness guy, Greg, from Greg's General Store, who once sent me two beautiful, uniquely Charleston mugs, one of from which I am currently drinking water.

Thing I am Thankful for #1

The all-wise God of the universe knows my every need and is faithful to supply what is needed even if I forget to ask him for help. I know I'm supposed to "take it to the Lord in prayer" and eventually I usually do, but lots of times I stew and sulk and stir up trouble trying to figure out what on earth I'm going to do about how I feel about my circumstance. In the meantime, God, who loves me beyond measure, is already handling it.

One Example: Fash is leaving- for college- 4 hours away from home- in 62 days (but who's counting) and yes, I've been bellyaching about this for months already. Anyway. Lately, she has been gone more, partly because of her work schedule, but also because she has matured into a completely confident driver (in spite of her mother's neurosis) and now goes everywhere. Up north a few hours to visit a friend at camp, hour north to spend the night at Grandma's, 25 minutes west to stay overnight at my sister's etc. I'm actually getting used to not having her around so much.

Aha!

Do you suppose the all-knowing Father has orchestrated this summer schedule to help prepare me, slowly and naturally for Fash's departure? Well, today I thought about it and I think He has.

Thing I am Thankful for #2

Time.

I have never had so much time in my life. Like today. I got up, ironed a shirt and pair of pants for I.T., made him a fabulous lunch, said good-by and have a nice day and then it was just me and time. There are so many ways a person can actually spend time. Today I guess I chose: thinking.

It takes time to wander around the house looking at books you used to read to your kids and then wander around your yard marveling at the colors of flowers. It takes time to think about cleaning the pool and wonder what dead rodent might be in the skimmer basket if you remove the lid.

One Example: I was looking at books I used in home schooling our kids, which caused me to think about what I am going to do with them now that our kids are grown-ups. I wondered for a while if I might ever use some of them again- like the workbook on fractions. I mean what if I decide to run a little fraction seminar for kids in the neighborhood. I dreamed up part of my dialogue:

"Which is more- three fourths or four fifths? Let's look at this pie (I show the kids a 9" diameter, gluten-free, strawberry pie). If I cut this pie into four equal pieces, I have cut the pie into fourths. (Here, I cut the pie) See how big each fourth is? Now if I give you (Johnny) 3 of these fourth sized pieces, what do I have left? (Here Johnny would say "one fourth") Good. I would have one fourth sized piece left. Now. If I cut this other 9" diameter, gluten-free, strawberry pie into five equal pieces (I do it), what have I cut the pie into? ("Fifths"!! chant the neighbor kids) Right! Five fifth-sized pieces! If I give Johnny four of these fifth sized pieces, how much pie is left in the pan? ("one fifth sized piece!!" the neighbor kids are getting excited now) Ok, kids- let's look at what is left of both of these pies. One has one one fourth sized piece left, one has one one fifth sized piece left. Which has more left? (One fourth!!!! One fourth!!!!) Soooooo kids- which is more 3/4 or 4/5?"

Then my daydream bubble popped and I said to myself: 4/5, right? I mean if you have 4 fifth sized pieces of gluten-free, strawberry pie, you have more than if you had 3 fourth sized pieces, as long as the pies were the same size to begin with. Right?

I decided to sell the fraction book online.

Time. I like it, but now I am almost late for work, so I've gotta run. Perhaps you see why I.T. has been raising his eyebrows a lot lately, which is I.T. code for "What on earth have you been doing with all of your newly found, free time?"

Thankful Thursday

God is so good.... Click over to Greg's and enjoy more thankfuls and thanks for sharing in mine.

I'm married to a hard working, devoted, God-honoring man, who is committed to our family and gives generously of his time, resources and love. And guess what?

He's a human being.

I've been trying to make a god out of this guy. I've been expecting him to meet my every need. And he's been trying to. But the harder he tries, the more vivid the inevitable failures. Misunderstandings. Confusion. Hurt. Almost complete breakdown in communication.

Here's what I learned yesterday- from a book I just finished reading, Counterfeit Gods by Timothy Keller:

"...No human relationship can bear the burden of godhood...However much we may idealize and idolize him (the love partner), he inevitably reflects earthly decay and imperfection.....After all, what is it that we want when we elevate the love partner to this position? We want to be rid of our faults, of our feeling of nothingness. We want to be justified, to know our existence has not been in vain. We want redemption- nothing less. Needless to say, human partners cannot give this."

So, what does Keller suggest we do? Love the spouse less? Not at all. We need to know and love God more. "We need to stop trying to make others into saviors, because we have a Savior."

Colossians 3:1-4 assures me that my life is now hidden with Christ in God and when Christ, who is my life, appears- I will appear with Him in glory. The thing is, God is ravished with me, approves of me, loves me to the full. He is my life. It is only Jesus Christ who saves me- redeems me and makes me whole.

Reading this book, plus a devotion from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young (the March 22 entry) and having a conversation with my bloggirlfriend, Frank, and another with my longtime neighbor KT, all came together this week at a very good time for me and I learned something that I should have already known- and maybe I did know it, but just wasn't doing it. I learned this:

I must set my heart securely on Jesus Christ as my peace and my life. I must replace the idol I have been making out of my husband, with El Olam- the God whose Son is called the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. He is the God whose love endures forever.

How will I do it?

I will rejoice and be thankful! I've already begun to practice. Whenever I feel afraid, hurt, alone, misunderstood, wronged, or any other joy zapping emotion- I begin to silently, or audibly, thank the Lord for very specific things: my husband, his love for me, my kids, my health, the ability to ride my bike, birds singing and that I can hear them sing....on and on. On top of that- I'm trusting Him. When I am done thanking Him, I tell Him, "hey, I'm trusting you to work out every single detail of this life I'm living down here- just want you to know that." Then I believe it.

That's what the March 22 devotion taught me. Author, Sarah Young, said that if I replace all my planning, evaluating, calculating, agonizing and all that- with trusting and thanking God, continually- that I will be implementing a paradigm shift in behavior and thinking that will revolutionize my life.

Last night I took a bike ride with I.T. Everything was going along just fine with our new plan to do one activity together each day and have a minimum of 30 minutes of conversation together with not one hint of negativity from either party. Then he said something like: "the sky's blue" and I thought, "the sky is not blue, he is just trying to make me nuts again." (words changed to protect the innocent, but seriously the dumb things that irk me..geez) BUT then I remembered the paradigm shift and I began to silently thank the Lord. When I got done doing some thanking, I told the Lord I was trusting Him to work out every detail of every single thing in my life.

I.T. asked, "what are you doing?"

I told him all about Sarah Young's devotion and that I was implementing the paradigm shift.

He thought about it for a second, bobbed his head up and down a couple of times and replied, "sounds good."

I asked the Lord to help me and He showed me The Way. And for that- I am truly thankful.

Tellin' it on the mountain-

Thankful Thursday

It's a beautiful, sunshiny day made only more enjoyable by the fact that I found a few minutes to join Greg, from Greg's General Store, in the meme, that he now manages, Thankful Thursday!

First of all, happy birthday to Greg's wife. Life is a wonderful gift, as Avery, son of Melanie from BELLA~MELLA, recently shared in his Pi Poem. His school was celebrating Pi day and everyone wrote a poem where each word had the number of letters contained in any digit of the irrational number pi. His poem was of special blessing to me. Click on "Melanie from BELLA~MELLA" above to read Avery's poem in her wonderful post with amazing pictures of Avery displaying his talents, like doing a somersault through a rainbow. I will re-print the poem here, because I am thankful for it:

Pi Poem (by Avery)

Can we as mortals understand the
almighty power of the Creator?
I say we cannot, that it is something
greater.
Life is a meaningless rift?
I come, I go, I lie, I live.
Being alive a wonderful gift.

God's original gift was life itself. "God saw all that he had made and it was very good...." Gen. 1:31. Thank you Elohim- God, Mighty Creator.

Secondly, let's just say I'm driving myself nuts trying to figure out if my future and the future of my kids is going to turn out alright. Though I know better, I seem to be losing sleep over it. The biggest looming cloud casting shadows of uncertainty is the one representing my daughter and her preparations to trade this cozy dwelling for a dorm room. I've blogged about this before, and I apologize for the repeating theme, but it consumes me. Am I thankful for this unrest? No. I am not. Because it reminds me that I am not trusting God in the way that I know I am supposed to. This makes me mad and sorrowful. I'm also perturbed that my preoccupation with this predicament often prevents me from taking time to do the most obvious: pray about it.

So what's to be thankful for then? I'm going to say: patience. Not mine, but my Father's. Like the father who prayed fervently and waited patiently for his prodigal's return, I know my Father in heaven calls gently and persistently, while he patiently waits for me to turn to Him. Thank you, Yahweh Yireh- The Lord will Provide. Thank you, Abba- Father.

Finally, March in Michigan is typically cold, rainy, snowy, dark, dreary with a quick tease of sunshine for an hour and then a snowstorm following- BUT this March of 2010 has been almost 100% sunshine with a quick, light, warmish rain one day. Robins are hopping around in the yard. My one single daffodil is budding. We grilled hamburgers and ate outside on Monday night.

I seriously love working at the bookstore- Kregel/Parable and I love the people I work with and the mission we all share- to share Hope for today and every tomorrow...

My husband still loves me, even with all my neurosis (thank you, honey- I'm sure I'll get over it all eventually).

I'm looking forward to a night out with friends as we laugh with comedian, Anita Renfroe...coming up soon.

I won the 'I Win...You Win' book that is going round robin- thanks to Robin at Be Still and Know... and will soon be receiving it in the mail and adding my 2 Thinks in the margins of its pages before passing it on to one of you.

So, there is much to be thankful for, actually. And I'm thankful for the opportunity to share it all here. Thanks for reading.

Good idea to keep this going, Greg.

Thankful Thursday

I have twenty-one minutes left to join hostess, Sonya, and all the other thankful bloggers in sharing thankfuls on Thursday.

#1. I just returned from an Avalon/Selah concert. I wasn't sure if I would like the new female singer for Selah, who actually joined the group in 2006. I haven't been paying much attention to the new albums. I love the older ones with Nicol, sister of lead male vocalist, Todd Smith. Well, I found that not only can Amy Perry sing, she had something to say that carried a message just for me.

She shared about her lifelong struggle with her weight and how her family and a particular old boyfriend had always made snide remarks about how she really needed to drop some pounds.

Hard stuff. Hurtful. Wounding.

She talked about how, with the encouragement of love from her husband, she learned to believe that God created her in His own image and gave her special gifts and talents that she could use to praise and worship Him. So, though she does the torturous workouts in an attempt to battle the bulge- she lives with confidence, in joy, knowing that the God who created all things good, loves and cares for her just as she is.

Her testimony challenged me to think about it. All people are created in the image of God, are his handiwork and loved by him. I cannot say I love Him and then have prejudices against those, whom he created! I want to love, just as I want to be loved, not for how I look, but for what is inside of me- a heart that yearns to follow Jesus, to love and care and show compassion for others. I want to share the hope I have in Christ- just as Amy did so beautifully tonight!

Thanks, Amy!

#2. God is challenging me to consider the truth of his word, the whole word and nothing but the word. A friend of mine recently shared about a ministry she is involved with, whereby she and others pray with people who are troubled by demonic activity. Wow. It sounded like something out of a sci fi flick.

BUT. I go to the word of God and I read about Satan and the forms he takes in the world.

I grew up in a denominational background that did not discuss Satan or hell, but rather talked about these words as being universal language that just stood for anything evil. Nobody from the church of my youth went to hell, because if there was such a place (and the teaching was there wasn't) Jesus would be the first one there to catch that poor, unfortunate soul and carry it off to heaven.

Very confusing, in light of the word.

So, I'm thankful for the challenges that cause me to think and re-think and read, read, read the word of God!

#3. I'm thankful that the blog meme's allow for a little leeway. Because I'm not posting five today, but 3.

It may be a broken road, but if it leads us straight to Him- it is one worth traveling.

Thankful Thursday, the Birthday Edition

Thanks to Sonya, at Truth 4 the Journey, every Thursday bloggers everywhere can celebrate the top five anythings for which they are truly thankful! What could be better?

1. I.T. presented me with a birthday card this morning. When I opened it, a band was playing and I.T. (or someone) was singing:

Youuuu're still the one....we're still havin' fuuu-un and you're still the one.....

2. Fash gave me a card with a monkey on the front, of course, and inside she wrote," Thanks for always being there for me, I greatly enjoy our relationship." Nothing could be finer than to read that one-liner in the mo-oh-oh-rning. I love it that I have a "relationship" with my daughter, that she greatly enjoys. I GREATLY enjoy it, too, Fashy!

3. Dinner out tonight- Celebrate good times, come on...there's a par-tee goin' on right here...

4. Fash is staying in the dorm tonight with someone she knows who attends the college we'll be visiting tomorrow. I.T. and I will be in our hotel room. "Yoooore still the one....who can stratch my itch........we're still havin' fu-u-un and yoooore sti- ill the one...." Woot woot!

5. 46 years of family and fellowship with the one, true God who fashioned me in His own image, calls me by name and meets me where I am each and every day, takes me by the hand and leads me on the path of righteousness. It doesn't get any better.......

Thank you for all the birthday wishes and birthday singers from cyberspace. I tried and tried to get a YouTube of "Still the One", but I could not figure out how to put it on here for you. Would anyone like to leave me some clear instructions in the comments on how to get a video from YouTube onto my blogpost? Thanks again everyone! Eat a piece of cake for me today!
One of my favorite books as a child- I still love it.

Thankful Thursday

It's Thursday and I'm living on memes! Sonya has this one over at Truth for the Journey. Five thankfuls for the week.

1. You may be surprised to learn that I do not have it all together. I have been trying to get it all together for years. I'm beginning to consider that perhaps my picture perfect all together is not going to be mine, while I live and breathe. What I've discovered to be true is that God gives me all I need and in Him all things hold together. In Him, I do have it all and in Him I hold together. I'm thankful for the one, true, living God, whose thoughts are not my thoughts, whose ways are not my ways. (thank goodness) His thoughts and ways are higher than mine. You can check it out in Isaiah 55 around verse 8. Thankful am I that I go out in joy and am led forth in peace- every single day- even on the bad days. The joy is deep beneath my feelings that toss about. I'm anchored in the Rock of my salvation. And peace is there.

2. My parents are visiting us tomorrow. Mom has been away on a mission trip, so there is much to hear her tell. I'm thankful for them both, for their health and safe travels.

3. I thought by this age I might be farther along in my walk of faith. Maybe I'd be super slow to worry and quick as a wink to pray and trust- by this age. I don't know if I am. Here's what I'm thankful for: God meets me where I am. He knows my weakness, my need. He knows my heart. I love the Lord, my God, who dwelt among men and who lives in me and in the heart of every believer. I'm going to press in to Him every day in all circumstances. I'm going to let Him lead, unless I'm not paying attention or something- then I'm going to trust He'll not let me go.

4. I'm thankful that my fuzzy blanket and down pillow are fluffed and waiting on my bed right now for me to snuggle under, because it is 2 a.m. and I am tired and I don't know why on earth I am up right now.

5. Thankfully someone took all that time to write the Dictionary and compile all the words into a big, fat Synonym Finder. I use these real books with pages, that sit on my desk, all the time. I like to spell correctly and don't like overusing a word- though I might do it (because I do make up my own words)- I try not to- mostly.

Rejoice and Be Glad,

Thankful Thursday

I'm joining Sonya, from Truth for the Journey and posting five things I am thankful for today. If you'd like to participate, click on the Thankful Thursday button and copy it onto your post. I always think it's nice to link back to the hostess of the meme, as well.

1. I am thankful to have a bathroom wall. Getting the wallpaper glue off of it has been a challenge. I am thankful to have a bathroom with four walls and a house with a bathroom. I am thankful that not putting up wallpaper ever again in my entire life is my choice. I don't have to do it. Thankful.

2. I am thankful that my son, Outside the Box, is coming home from being gone all summer in New York- taking teenagers on backpacking excursions. I can't wait to see him and give him a hug and talk to him. I'm so thankful for him.

3. I am thankful that my tomatoes turned red. We have been eating them in one way or another at every meal. Last night I took Greg C.'s advice (Greg's General Store) and made a tomato pie- from a Paula Deen recipe that I altered to fit our lower your cholesterol in six months or else diet. The pie was good. Thanks, Greg and Paula.

4. I'm thankful to know Jesus and to have a Bible and the devotional, Streams in the Desert, because my need is great. I'm thankful that Jesus is enough and that his word is truth and everlasting. I'm thankful that he meets me where I am and ministers to me there.

5. I'm thankful for my electric skillet and my coffee pot, my vegetable peeler and my salad spinner. I have so many handy gadgets that make the daily tasks of my life easier. Do you know when I visited a girl in Scotland one time, she wanted me to bring peanut butter and pancake syrup. They didn't have those in her grocery store there. That was back when you could bring such things on airplanes. I'm thankful for peanut butter. I like it on celery with raisins- ants on a log, we call that. 100% pure maple syrup is the best on oat pancakes made with Stevia instead of sugar and I don't care what the lower your cholesterol in six months or else doctor says about maple syrup, I'm thankful for it and I'm going to eat it on my pancakes and I'm gonna let I.T. eat it too. We're eating that this Saturday. And being thankful.