Cerebral Warfare

Sometimes I have flaming feelings fighting in my head. Often I have no control over that activity. Regularly I need help from the Lord to settle it all out. Here is a typical, generic example of what I am talking about.

Someone says or does something (probably very insignificant in the scope of everything in the whole world) that makes me mad. A conversation brews in my mind that goes something like this:

"Well.(humph)That's not right. I didn't do that. I'm not like that. I didn't mean that. I don't like her. He drives me nuts. I'll just tell her a thing or two. I'll stand my ground. I don't need to say I'm sorry, are you kidding! It's all his fault. I'll wait it out. I won't give in. I know I'm right..."

This goes on for a while until:

" I can't stand it. It's gone on too long. It's gone too far. I can't think straight. I can't focus on anything else. What can I do? Can I fix this? No,that's impossible. It's not my problem. It's a big problem. It is my problem. Who can help me? Who will be on my side?"

I might rattle that one around for days trying to strategize and choose my allies.

Then:

"Hello, Lord?" big pause "It's me again. You know 'the problem', well, I can't seem to fix it. Do you have any ideas for me? You know how hard it is for me to hear you, so remember to use the megaphone. Okay. I'll give you about five minutes to come up with something. Thanks."

The answers come in different ways. Last time God suggested I use the phone a friend option. The name of the friend was provided- one whom had been faithful in the past to tell me what I needed to hear and not what I wanted to hear. Here's a peek inside my head seconds after I spoke with this confidente.

"I think my ideas are better than everyone else's? Yes. I don't know everything? Okay, so I don't. Someone knows more than I do? Oh. I could learn from Someone? Hmm. I see how that might be true. I don't know how to submit to authority?? No! No, I guess I don't. That's a problem? Oh. I can see how that might be a problem. I focus on negatives? I build up a tower of trouble so high it becomes twisted with untruth? Yes I do. I'm very good at it. What was it I was supposed to read again...think...whatever...oh yes, Philippians 4:8 'Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.' Hmm. (ponder, ponder) I think I've misjudged. I made a mistake. I was wrong..."

From there it's a cake walk. Apologies aren't so bad.

The war is over. No swords, no slaughter, no spoils. Humility is not humiliating. It is victory- possible only by turning to the One in whom the battle has already been won.

Peace-
Heidi