Just Sittin' Around Eatin' Bon Bons

In the olden days, when I had three young children, two in diapers, one in pre-school and I cared for a friend's pre-schooler a few days a week and I was the leader of the Mom's group at our church and I was the funeral luncheon organizer at our church and I was a Sunday school teacher at our church- sometimes I would imagine that the look my husband gave me when he came home from work meant, "what on earth have you been doing all day?" and without him actually saying that, I would still glare at him and actually say or maybe even growl, "oh, you know me, I just sit around here all day eating bon bons".

The poor, loving guy probably didn't really give me a look that had that question in it. He probably was giving me a look that meant, "what's for dinner?" But he certainly didn't say that, either. He is, and always has been, a very smart man.

I used to think that when, "this too shall pass", as my mother always promised it would, that I would be well on my way to easier, less messy and less stressy days- and just maybe piping hot food would be waiting on a lovely set table when Mr. I.T. arrived from a long day of working hard to provide for the gang.

Well. Home schooling three children did not turn out to be less messy. Changing churches was certainly not less stressful. And getting the kids through junior high was definately not easy. Re-doing the bathroom was not less messy. Teaching three kids to drive was not less stressful. And, believe it or not, having three adult children is, actually, not exactly: easy.

It is not easy to give excellent advice to our 18 year old, and only, daughter about dating. Why? Because we aren't sure what the excellent advice is. It is not easy to know when to say something and when to say nothing to these adult children, who ultimately must think through all that stuff we've been trying to teach of faith and life all these years, for themselves. And it is not easy to stand in a house void of children, who needed you for everything yesterday, but today are pretty much grown up and gone.

Now, most days, I.T. does come home to food on the table. He also comes home to a look from me that asks from one eye "now what?" and the other "what now?" I'm ever thankful that Fash still lives here and fills a lot of our moments with lively conversation and I.T. and I do find things to talk about and do together , but lately, like today, I spend way too much time wandering through the empty house, thinking about what I might do next. And truthfully, today, I sat around here all day just eating bon bons.


(All this after a wonderful weekend of staying in a ski in/ski out condo up north and skiing, ice skating and hot tubbing with I.T., Outside the Box, Fash and I.T.'s extended family- so, maybe it's mostly just coming down from that cloud that has me in this mellow mood.)

Here's to finding out what the next step is- in 2010.