Alive and Thinking

I prefer to come to this blank page with some helpful encouragement for others, some nugget of truth from God's word, some funny story that will make others laugh. Laughing is so healing and helpful for lifting the spirit. But today I'm going to simply log what I've been doing (or maybe what I've been not doing) just so people will know I am alive here in this little box made of ticky tacky in this homogeneous subdivision in the great lakes state of Michigan. You know Michigan- we used to make a lot of car parts and office furniture here. Yep. Right here in the U S of A great state called Michigan.

I've been thinking.

So much that I haven't been very useful. Days go by and the crumbs on the kitchen floor pile up. The ants are quite pleased, though they are drinking plops of poison to round out their meals. I keep waiting for them to not be there in the morning, but each day as I put the kettle on to boil, I am greeted by many tiny poison sucking friends.

Thinking. Thinking about life. Thinking that I need to live more life, because time is going faster. Need to get out there and make an impact. Get out there.

Thinking is taking up most of my time and I'm thinking of giving up on it for a while and just going for a bike ride. But mostly I really need to clean the garage, because we are supposed to be having a graduation open house in there very soon! The idea is that we will make pancakes and bacon for a bunch of family and friends and focus on Fash leaving. Leaving.

I try to think of ways to keep Fash here. But she's excited to get out there. Get out there.

Last night I went with girlfriends to see Anita Renfroe- a comedienne from Texas. She was funny, though I didn't get her southern joke about sweet tea. She talked a lot about women's body parts that sink and sag over the course of time. And how so many thoughts just up and leave our minds, as our ears grow longer.

Earlier this week Fash found a brick of cheddar in the saran wrap drawer. Later the same day Fash came looking for me. I was vacuuming the living room carpet, about 20 mintes after running errands. Fash just wanted to tell me, "don't worry, Mom, I turned the car off for you". After vacuuming, I spent about 40 minutes wandering around our house and property looking for the iced mocha I had been drinking before I started vacuuming. I finally found it on top of the pump house out by the pool. It was no longer icy. That very same day, we received in the mail, a flyer- inviting the residents of our household to a seminar being offered by the local older folks home. The title of the seminar: Know the Signs of Dementia.

Anyway, I'm off now to clean up the garage sale leftovers and mop the kitchen floor- ant poop. I.T. will be painting the concrete pond later this weekend, right after he scrapes the paint from the cracked parts and sands it down a bit. I probably will try to help him in some small, but very meaningful way. We're enjoying our book and diligently working through all the chapters together. It's good. And it is making us laugh actually.

I'm going to be sure to encourage someone today. Feel free to join me in that random act of kindness wherever you are.

Peace and Love (Pilgrim always says that),

High School Senior in the House

Having a high school senior in the house means planning an open house, which means cleaning out the house and garage by having a garage sale, which means running an ad in the paper that costs $18.95, selling about 20 bucks worth of junk, then packing up all the remaining stuff and making a trip to Goodwill or stuffing it all back into the closets with the happy dust bunnies.

Having a high school senior in the house means everyone, who did not already have one, gets a job, then shares the car with the other ones that already had jobs, so that everyone can get to work on time, so they can pool their income and pay tuition. The family that pays together, stays together. Or something like that.

Having a high school senior in the house, who is also the baby of the family, means complicated emotions involving  involuntary flashbacks of times past, which causes unexpected outbursts of sobbing, followed by breathless panic attacks related to the unknowns on the horizon.

Having a high school senior in the house causes the mother in the house to audibly hear every tick of the clock, especially during the night when sleep evades.

I love having a high school senior in the house. In fact, I never want to be without one.

They say it's important to enjoy every minute- time is fleeting. But who knew I'd have to  fight off so many feelings to save the smiles that once stayed fixed upon my face.

I'm off to enjoy an evening of watching old movies with my high school senior, who is babysitting across the street. I am currently smiling.

Yesterday...gone. Today...dream job!

Yesterday, I had a funny story about the robin who always builds her nest right outside our front door. Each year she attacks us every day, on our way out, until the baby birds have launched. So, I spent yesterday tearing straw and bits of string out of the bush to the right of our entryway and the robin spent her day putting the nesting material back in there. But that was yesterday and today that story has fizzled to flat soda.

Yesterday, I had a rant ready about how I am the way God made me and I cannot change, so people better just get used to it. But before sitting down to write the post, I decided to read a bit of my latest book, The Christian Atheist. The bookmark was at chapter 7. The title: 'When You Believe in God but Don't Think You Can Change'. (you've got to be kidding me) This author guy, Craig Groeschel, was saying stuff like, "A lie believed as truth will affect you as if it were true." and "With people, change may be difficult, even impossible- but not with God. God is bigger than our problems, no matter what they are. If you believed that you simply can't change, acknowledge that that is a lie. With God, all things are possible."

 Can you believe this stuff?

But that was yesterday and today that story is ashes, burned up by the truth of God's word from Mark 10:27.

Today I'll just write about how excited I am for Fashionista. She applied for several jobs, including ice cream dipping at the Dairy Dog. But the one job she really wanted was the sales job at the super hip clothing store out at the mall. This morning, she is helping customers get their fash on- selling clothes at the super hip clothing store out at the mall. The girl got her dream job!

 By the way, to all you Random Dozeners who are for the gladiator sandals- Fash can sell you a pair.

Doors

Far across the sea from me lives Jientje. Displayed on her blog, Heaven is in Belgium, are hundreds of crisp, clear, colorful pictures that evoke a medley of emotion. On Thursdays she posts pictures of doors. This week's exihibit: an opened, red door leading across black and white tiles to another open door. Click the link and see it for yourself.

Jientje's (sounds like Gene-chu's) doors made me feel like grabbing my camera and hiking around the neighborhood in search of photogenic portals. It was 40 degrees yesterday and it was One Day Without Shoes Day, in which, if you missed it, you will have another chance to participate on April 16th...



When you buy a pair of Tom's shoes, Tom's Shoes donates a pair of shoes to somebody who cannot afford to have a pair of any brand of shoes. That's why the shoes are about 55 bucks a pair, but it's for a worthy cause.

...anyway Fash told me not to wear any shoes and I was too wimpy to hike around taking pictures of doors, in the cold, in my bare feet. But I did think a lot about doors.

I thought about this door that I.T. fashioned with his own hands, painted nicely and set into the place where it would permanently live on hinges if it looked okay. But when we stepped back to make our decision about that, it did a Peter Pan into the sink faucet below giving itself a bullet hole to the chest. Caulk and paint. This door now keeps our toothbrushes safe from hairspray mist.

The 40 degree weather reminded me that it is spring in Michigan, which in turn reminded me that it is almost fishing weekend. That's the weekend when the cat goes away and the mice do play. My sister, Fash and I have a garage sale over fishing weekend. One year, shortly after I sold our house while I.T. was at work, I made a colossal mistake over fishing weekend and sold I.T.'s brand new, $100 weedwacker for $1.00 instead of selling the weedwacker that I.T. had found on the side of the road and fixed for free, which was the one he'd donated to the garage sale with a suggested price of $1.00. This led to a lecture the following year, something about no more surprises when dad gets home from fishing weekend.

I didn't place painting the front door into the surprise catagory. But when the boys returned from fishing weekend that year, I.T.'s truck rolled up in front of our house real slow-like.

See, not so bad, right?

I guess it's possible that I.T. may have thought the house had new residents. He may have wondered if Fash and I and he and the boys still lived here. Now that would qualify for the surprise catagory. But no. I just painted the front door. That's it.

Thinking of the colossal garage sale mistake, reminded me of the word colosseum, because I was pondering doors. Remember the poor guy whose fate depended on the king's daughter, whether she would give him the cue to choose door #1, behind which waited the beautiful lady, or door #2 where the tiger waited to devour him? How do you feel about stories that end like that? Which door do you think she chose? (Need a refresher on the story, The Lady or The Tiger? Here's a link.)

All this thinking about doors reminded me of something Jesus said: "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

 I thought about this promise. If I ask the Lord for direction, if I ask the Lord to help me, if I ask the Lord which door? He'll show me The Way. His perfect way. I do not have to worry that he might give me a cue to open the door with the tiger waiting to devour me, because Jesus always has my very best interest in mind and I'm pretty sure that doesn't include me getting eaten by a tiger out of jealous spite. So this is where I stayed my wandering mind. Well, here and on the Tom's shoes. I'm saving up to buy a pair.

Thankful Thursday

Greg is an encourager. He invites us all to share what we are thankful for every Thursday. Visit Greg's General Store for more!

#1. Thank you bloggers one and all for the comments on my Random Dozen yesterday. I needed to hear, "It's going to be alright, you're going to be fine, Heidi, stop your negative thoughts immediately, find a new focus, don't make me come over there and shake those thoughts out of you" and all the rest. Cyberhugs all around!

#2. This may sound strange and a smidgen bit on the inappropriate side perhaps, so I risk my reputation. Wednesday, as I waited at a stop light in my Malibu, a jacked- up -on- oversized- tires Chevy truck vroomed up beside me sounding like a hundred Harleys. I did what my mother taught me never to do: I looked that driver in the eye. He smiled and raised one eyebrow that unmistakably asked, "Wanna drag?" On the green, he roared ahead- revealing a pair of steel balls a swingin' from his hitch.


This threw me into a fit of laughter, which somehow saved me from adding minutes to my recently completed 48 hour marathon of swimming in a puddle of tears I created out of self pity.


Earlier in the morning, I.T. didn't want to leave for work for fear I would run away from home. I prayed a huge list of "thank you Gods" and then told the Lord I was trusting him for every detail. Now certainly God doesn't have anything to do with steel balls on a truck hitch, right? But I'm telling you it lightened me up. The Chevy encounter and soaking up all the blogger affirmation has made me feel almost normal again- yes, I know that's only a setting on the dryer, but my normal is much more functional than my other settings.

#3. I.T. still swears he'll keep me- forever. My cup overfloweth with thanksgiving.


#4. Kim, Just a Southern Girl, currently living and serving the Lord in Argentina, shed a little light on my pathetic emotional state on Wednesday when she concluded her Random Dozen with the word that best describes her right now: "Schizo". She went on to explain that the older she gets, the more confused she is about what she wants to be and where she's going. But she ended by announcing that she was off to clean the bathroom- that she knew exactly what to do in that moment: clean the bathroom and she knew exactly where she was going in that moment: to the bathroom to clean it and she knew exactly who she was in that moment: the bathroom cleaner.

And I thought: Eureka! I have found it! The answer! Worry not for tomorrow, check out the lilies, they're looking pretty gorgeous without a care and the birds certainly aren't socking it away in barns. Don't worry about tomorrow. God's got it! (Matthew 6:25 to the end) Just go clean the bathroom if that's what needs doin'.

So, I cleaned the bathroom. And it was very freeing. Thanks Kim!

#5. Keith Simon is a pastor at the Crossing Church in Columbia, Missouri. I love the teaching at that church. Anyway, Keith's Resurrection Sermon on Easter Sunday was top notch and I'm thankful that I listened to it via podcast following a recommendation from my cousin who writes for the church's blog, Every Square Inch .

Basically Keith taught: (I quote it with my own paraphrasing) "if Jesus did not rise from the dead, then party hearty boys and girls, because there ain't nothin' after this, this is it, you die, you rot, the end.

The Resurrection of Jesus Christ does make a difference, a big difference. Praise God He has risen!

To the Mid-lifers who are saying, "If I can just find it, if I can just figure it out, THEN I'll be happy"- the Resurrection promises that better world where the life you've always dreamed of does exist! It isn't this world. This world disappoints- every single time, at every turn. Nothing this world has to offer ever satisfies. Good luck trying to find lasting happiness in this world. This isn't the main world. This. Isn't. It.

To the people in crisis- the Resurrection promises a better place where the crisis doesn't exist.

To those who are dying- the Resurrection promises that death is not the end- it's the beginning- the beginning of your new life in the world you've always dreamed of with the Life you've always wanted.

The Resurrection is the Hope. It's worth an ongoing Hallelujah! Believe it and live to the glory of God! Be single to the glory of God. Be married to the glory of God. Be an empty nester to the glory of God. Work to the glory of God. Clean the bathroom to the glory of God. Throw the graduation party to the glory of God."

It's taking me a long time to drive these truths down deep. I'm thankful for spiritual pounding.

There's plenty of joy to be found in this world, but soon and very soon, we are going to meet the King...

Winner and Random Dozen

And the WINNER is:

skoots1mom from MY HANDS...HIS GLORY!

Congratulations! I know you will enjoy the book, Sisterchicks in Wooden Shoes.

Thanks to all who entered the contest to be the next winner of I Won...You Win! You'll have another chance at skoots1mom's blog when she finishes reading.


Am joining Lid at 2nd Cup of Coffee for her Wednesday meme:

1. Define a great relationship.

A great relationship is the one that availed itself to me the moment I first believed that Jesus Christ is Lord. I've actually had my expectations of relationships with people set too high all these years and am only now learning that there is only One who desires me and adores me fully and forever, who loves me and will be waiting for me with open arms when my life on earth is done. I'm working on getting to know this Lover of my Soul better. It is the most important relationship I will ever have.

2. Why is it called a "drive-through" if you have to stop? (Real question: What was the last food/drink you purchased at a drive-through?)

I drove through Biggby about a month or more ago and got a free cup of coffee. French fries and big, juicy burgers taste so good, but I can't handle the aftereffects, in my old age. So, no drive through food for me anymore. It's sad. Can someone please start a whole foods, gluten-free, lactose free, vegetable laden, low sodium, no MSG, locally grown organic, all you can eat for $5 drive through?

3. As I type this, the Butler Bulldogs are getting ready to play in the NCAA championship game. Every Hoosier is hysterical about this except me. So in honor of the Bulldogs ... what is your favorite breed of dog? (I tried.)

My parents, my sisters, their husbands, my nephew, my family were all together and rooting for Michigan State on Saturday, of course. We were depressed at the end of that game. If I could get a puppy, it would be no more than 8 weeks old, medium sized, not shed much, be smart, highly trainable and energetic and it would come from the animal shelter. I don't know what breed that would be.

4. If you had to move to a state besides the one you currently live in, where would you move?

Ohio, this fall. I'd get an apartment just down the street from my daughter's dorm. I've seriously considered this, but the family says, "mom, there's something terribly wrong with you..." Maybe there is.

5. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

My parents loved each other and they loved me, my two sisters and my brother. I had a carefree childhood and cannot remember ever wanting much of anything more than I already had, though we were not wealthy. We were rich in the way that really mattered. I wouldn't change anything- though I wish I'd been more helpful to my mother and less selfish as a teenager.

6. Who's the funniest person you know?

Lidna

7. Did you get enough sleep last night?

No. I haven't been sleeping lately. My mind is full of memories of days gone by. I think it's the end of the era that I am facing. The era where I stay home with my children, read to them, take them on field trips, try to learn the word of God with them, vacation, homeschool. When did these kids grow up and leave? I'm having a hard time getting over it. Not sure what I'm supposed to be doing now.

8. What's the first thing you thought about this morning?

Honestly, I sadly woke up with the same thoughts I fell asleep with- "maybe I didn't do the best possible job with these kids, maybe we could have done something different that would have been the ultimate best...." I don't know why I am plagued with these thoughts. The kiddos are doing great- the boys live on their own and have jobs and are happy, the girl is about to graduate and go to college. I'm trying to remember to thank the Lord and trust Him with every detail. I am trying.

9. Grilled or Fried? --HONESTLY

Love fried. Can't eat it very well. We grill nightly in the summer. Love that!

10. Are you afraid of the dark?

Shouldn't be, but probably mostly am- like in the really dark dark. Like in the caves of Kentucky with the lights out dark.

11.When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I still have the report we had to do on this in 6th grade. I wanted to be a writer or a florist or a social worker. I job shadowed a florist friend of my mom and dad's one day. That was fun. I've never been a florist and I am not a writer. But I like to write. I think I may be a social networker.

12. If you had one word to describe yourself , what would you choose?

Unsettled.

Jesus Lives!

While the women were on their way, some of the guards went into the city and reported to the chief priests everything that had happened. When the chief priests had met with the elders and devised a plan, they gave the soldiers a large sum of money, telling them, "You are to say, 'His disciples came during the night and stole him away while we were asleep.' If this report gets to the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble." So the soldiers took the money and did as they were instructed. And this story has been widely circulated among the Jews to this very day. Matthew 28:11-15

Then the disciples went back to their homes, but Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus' body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.

They asked her, "Woman, why are you crying?"

"They have taken my Lord away," she said, "and I don't know where they have put him." At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.

"Woman," he said, "why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?"

Thinking he was the gardener, she said, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him."

Jesus said to her, "Mary." John 20:10-16

Jesus Lives!