Hoping in Him

As it turns out, when you fall off the face of the earth, it's hard to get a good enough grip to pull yourself back into the blogosphere. So much has changed since I last blogged regularly that I'm not even sure I am the same person as that blogging girl. I think I left off somewhere between crying all the time from the pain of empty nesting and trying to figure out how to be a good wife to my husband. Well, I'm no longer grieving over a house void of people- most of them came back. My middle son- I call him Pilgrim on the blog- he moved home the first week of June after spending two years and all his hard earned money in California. He's 21. I'm very glad to have him home. My daughter, Fashionista on the blog, is home from college for the summer, of course, and is working every day in the plant at the company where my husband, I.T. (Information Technologist) works, so she can afford to return for year 2. I absolutely love having Fash here.  Pilgrim's girlfriend from California, moved in for a week, last week, as she is going to complete her nursing degree here in Michigan at a university near our home, to be near Pilgrim. She was touring the university and getting some paperwork done for admissions. I found her to be a very sweet girl and we enjoyed having her here. As for working on being a good wife, I'm still working on it.

I'm also feeling that I wasted a lot of tears over the lonely empty nest situation. Had I known our home would be a hotel this summer, I think I would have just enjoyed the peace and quiet, but still I think it best not to know what the future holds.

I say that because my very good friend and mentor, Mary DeYoung, who has commented frequently on this blog, lost her extremely short battle with cancer on Monday. I'm glad I wasn't able to peek into the future and see that. I wouldn't have been able to bear it. When I looked at her body in that casket at the church tonight, it looked nothing like her at all. She was so full of life always, ever smiling and zipping around spreading the love. She just really loved people and life. I would have flunked my college math class freshman year if it hadn't been for her invitation to come over to her house for some free, one on one tutoring. She was my professor- 10 years my senior. After that semester, she needed a babysitter for her son, I was that person. When I needed some extra cash in my early married years, she needed a cleaning lady and that solved that. When I.T. and I needed a place to live when our first child was born, she rented us the upstairs of her house. She gave us so many things over the years, I've lost count of it all. We still have her old bedroom furniture we were given when she bought new. But the best thing she gave to I.T. and I was her friendship. We've shared so many good times with her and her husband, Steve. I just can't imagine not being able to share the rest of life's happenings with Mary. It will be very weird. I.T. and I will serve as Master and Mistress of ceremonies at Mary's son's wedding next summer and she won't be there. It's going to take a lot of getting used to, this new arrangement with Mary in heaven and the rest of us, who love her so, still here on earth.

We found out Mary had cancer on July 7 and less than three weeks later she was home- with God. Her ever changing, precarious condition and residence in ICU didn't allow for many visitors, so her husband kept everyone up to date by blogging her progress, or lack thereof it, on the hospital CarePages. He signed each one with "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases." On Monday he had the terrible job of announcing the end of her life on earth. But he signed that post with the verse in its entirety:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." Lamentations 3:22-24

I cling to this truth and put my full hope in this Lord. I know it is because of this that I have peace. Of all the many blessings God gives, knowledge and understanding of exactly how earth and heaven intertwine is not one of them. That which he does give, I will receive with thanksgiving. At least I will try. And when I fail I will trust his great faithfulness of unending mercy extended to me, with love.

Hoping in Him,

Navigating Around Town and Blogger

Highway driving and I have a terrible relationship- terrifying actually. I've never gotten over the oxymoron of the "safe merge", let alone the instructions on how to achieve this by increasing speed. Rev up to 70 and slide in between the onslaught of oncoming traffic. This way I'll be safe. Really? And while I'm at it, I better pick the correct lane. Otherwise I may end up on my way back to where I just came from, either there or Detroit. And just when I'm feelin' pretty good about the lane I've chosen and am still marveling at the kindness of the guy who slowed to 45 so I could merge with confidence, that yellow sign with the jagged line appears. Lane ending. Get over or get off and go back to home. It's a wonder I get anywhere.

It's also a wonder I get anywhere with Blogger. I was asked to blog for the Churo Education Fund so I set up the blog. At the time I thought I'd just set it up under my current sign on for this, my personal, blog. But later, for many reasons, that did not seem like the best idea. I've spent the past several blog sittings trying to figure out how to move the Churo Education Fund blog to a different sign in, which I believe I have now done, though I am sure I am not using the correct lingo to talk about it. Anyway...check it out. I'll be blogging the details of the upcoming 6 month teaching trip that our friend,Victor, will be taking to Churo, Kenya- his home village, before he begins work on his masters degree in Engineering. Victor and our son, Zach (both graduates of Hope College in Holland, MI) created the Churo Education Fund to help students in Churo stay in and/or attend school. There's no such thing as a free education there, not even for elementary aged children.

And back over here at 2 Thinks, I'll be attempting to re-start (again) my life blogging project and re-connect with my lovely blog friends. On my dashboard I see 83 followers are still hanging around here- thanks bloggies- wonder why you aren't showing up in the sidebar under "Followers". Do I need to change a setting or something? Hmmmm...another Blogger mystery to solve.

Cheers!

Who is the liar?

1John 2:22 "Who is the liar? It is the man who denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a man is the antichrist- he denies the Father and the Son.

Some verses in the Bible seem somewhat ambiguous to me. Others very clear. 1John 2:22 strikes me as being pretty straight forward.

I paraphrase it here: The one who refuses to accept that Jesus is "the anointed one", the Son of God, the Savior of the world- is the one who lies, who does not tell the truth. He is the one against Christ, the antagonist of Christ, the false christ- the antichrist.

I notice that this verse does not say that the antichrist is the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God, yet has questions about what that really means for him and for the world. I notice that this verse does not say the antichrist is the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God, yet questions the teachings of modern day preachers and the practices of current "Christian" culture. I notice that this verse does not say that the antichrist is the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God, yet finds himself on a journey of faith where Truth and untruth sometimes look quite similar. A journey that brings him to such crossroads where he must first ask God for guidance, second search the scriptures and third think for himself.

Believing Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God and the Savior of the world is the beginning of a personal journey that has as many varied paths as there are people who choose to believe. God can be trusted to separate the Truth from the untruth for those on this journey who are willing to ask Him. That is why they call him Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace...

...ah the peace, when our trust is in the Lord alone to make all things known to us!

Ask, seek...and think for yourself,

Scars of a Chef- biography of Rick Tramonto

I just finished reading, Scars of a Chef, a biography of the famous Chef Rick Tramonto. Serious foodies and plain old Food Network lovers, such as me, will devour the book for its mouthwatering descriptions of dishes ranging from the family style, Italian Sunday dinners of Chef Tramonto's youth to the intricate, painstaking restaurant creations that continue to hold him in place as one of the world's top chefs. This is Rick's story about his enrollment in the school of hard knocks and his unlikely rise to success. Success as the world defines it, complete with fame and fortune, followed by that which often accompanies worldly success- complete failure. But there is a greater story here. A sweeter story of that Hound of Heaven, as described by John Stott in his testimonial, Why I Am a Christian. The Hound of Heaven, our good and loving God, who patiently waits, but relentlessly pursues the hearts of His children.

I'm a natural cheerleader for those who overcome the odds, escape family dysfunction and earn their way by hard work and perseverance, so I was quickly caught up in the storyline of the kid who wasn't much for school and lived less than a happy childhood, but held great promise for a career in cooking. I did feel sad for all the joy the young man, Rick, gave up in exchange for momentary alcoholic and drug highs, as he fully immersed himself in partying. I breathed relief for the grown Chef Tramonto when he swore off his addictions, but felt disappointment in the way he trampled others, even those he loved, as he strove to build his empire of fine dining. But what impressed me the most was when, after not having seen her for years, Rick Tramonto took the opportunity to apologize to his childhood friend, Eileen, upon whom he had unleashed words of fury years earlier when they worked together in one of his many restaurant ventures. She accepted his apology. This was a single instance of reconciliation that symbolized the beginning of Rick's relationship with God.

Tramonto describes the freedom found in forgiveness:

"I smiled as a weight I hadn't even realized I'd been carrying slipped off my shoulders."

How much pain just melts away with two little words sincerely spoken- "I'm sorry". And how much clearer we see when blinding pain is removed.

God uses the teeny, tiniest spots of softness in the heart, created by moments like these of apology and forgiveness, to plant an awareness of Him, his Redeeming Love, his Mercy and Grace. With that awareness of God's presence in his life, Tramonto turned and became the pursuer of the God who'd been there all along waiting to give Tramonto the gift of Life.

Scars of a Chef point to the scars of a Savior, the only One who can fill the deepest desires common to every man and woman, which have nothing to do with fame or fortune or cooking. You have to read all the way to the end to discover Rick Tramonto's true message. 

Feast on The Word of God. There the most beautiful banquet ever prepared has a table reservation in your name.

Happy One Day After St. Patrick's Day

Happy one day after Saint Patrick's Day. I hope your visit here finds you well and full of the hope that comes with springtime- new life!

You may notice a big lapse between blog posts here. One day I signed onto my blog, looked at the page and decided the background was too booky, my profile picture was too sleeveless and the whole thing was boring. So I went to the privacy settings place and changed the settings so that nobody could view my blog except me. I figured some day when the cows came home and the spirit moooved I'd work on the site, fix it up and then get back to bigger and better blogging.

Didn't happen.

What have I been doing since February 9th? Sulking would not be too strong a word. Not every-single- day-24/7 sulking, but an overall-if-you-add-it-all-up-and-divide-by-30 sulking. The sulking that comes from being a 47 year old mother, who is unsure of her purpose now that the kids are gone, the sulking that comes from living inside a body that is acting like some other woman you've never met in your life and the sulking that comes from staring at the green grass on the other side of your fence.

To solve my problems I read books. My nightstand is piled with self help material covering empty nesting, peri-menopause (gosh I hate that word!), how to be this, how to be that and how to make it all come together for my highest good. Words from pages are so jammed together in my head I can barely sleep at night.

And of course I have to keep up on all the latest Christian non-fiction- probably my favorite genre. More words. More ideas.

In his book, What's So Amazing About Grace, Philip Yancey writes: "to get away from the crush of ideas and people, I would take long walks in the pine forests splashed with dogwood.....I liked the sure, inevitable way of nature giving form and place to all living things."

Yesterday I got away from the crush of ideas and met I.T. at a Butterfly Garden that is open only this time of year. It was warm inside this large, indoor greenhouse where beautiful plants grow and a stream complete with waterfall flows. Butterflies flitted everywhere- swirls of vibrant color. It was calming and comfortable in there. Later we dined at Rosie's and sat by a warm fire at a table overlooking Reed's lake. And I thought about how patient I.T. is. He misses the kids, but not in the same way I do. And he doesn't have a woman he's never met living inside of his body (thank goodness!). But his love is steady and true. He's standing by me and trying his very best to understand- even though I have very little to give in return right now.

And I thought...

This is grace. Grace- comes free of charge to people who do not deserve it. Healing. Forgiveness. Goodness.

My husband has accepted the grace that God offers to him and in his understanding of that grace, with thanksgiving, he is extending that grace unto me.

And for that I am truly thankful.

Hodgepodge Valentine Edition

Click on the hodgepodge button to read more hodgepodge entries.

1. What is more important to you-doing what you love or loving what you do?

It is important to love what you do. If you are doing what you love, then you are probably loving what you do. The problem with me doing what I love is: short attention span. I love what I am doing at first, but after a while I'm not sure I love it anymore. Then I don't love it. Then I want to quit and do something else. It would be nice to be an artist and always love to create or paint. The only thing I can name that I loved doing is being a mom. I loved doing that and I don't remember ever wanting to quit. I still don't want to quit, but the kids grew and flew.

2. Do you like bleu cheese?

Easy. Yes. I like it stuffed into venison steak and grilled.

3. What is the most difficult emotion for you to handle?

I hate it if I feel I have disappointed someone. Rejection is also a very bad feeling.

4. Fresh flowers or chocolate?

Flowers. Not red roses. I love to have fresh flowers in vases in every room in the house.

5. What's a song you love that has the word 'love' in the title? It doesn't have to be a 'love song'.

More Like Falling in Love by Jason Gray  "....more like falling in love than something to believe in, more like losing my heart than giving my allegiance...falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me...."

6. Are you the person you wanted to be when you grew up?

I keep waiting to see if I am going to grow up. I had a lot of good ideas written down on that 6th grade paper I had to write about what you want to be when you grow up. I think mostly I lacked confidence that I could actually do those things- maybe wasn't willing to put forth the effort it would have taken to become one of those persons. Then I had kids and there was no time left to think about it. Besides, I fell in love with being consumed by those kids. Unhealthy? Yes. But that's what happened. Now I'm trying to "find myself". Maybe I should run off to California. Isn't that where people go to "find themselves"?

7. Any special Valentine's Day plans?

Not that I know of. But I.T. and I have been fighting a super huge energy sucking longlasting cold and are only now getting better- so we really should get outa this house for Valentine's Day.

8. Insert your own random thought here.

I started baking gluten-free for Fash and for I.T.- to help them with their gut issues. But now Fash is off at college eating macaroni and cheese from a box and I.T. just bought regular, wheat bread yesterday. But me. I seem to not be able to eat regular macaroni and wheat bread now. Somehow I morphed into the family member who needs to eat the gluten-free way to actually keep her insides functioning well. I don't even like gluten-free baked goods. How did this happen?

Random Catch Up- Christmas Even and Sunday Blues

I've been a little under the weather and I don't know if it's because the snow is so deep or what, but it's been taking me quite a while to get out from under it. This is our front walk after last Wednesday's snowstorm.

When I'm away from blogging too long, I always feel like it's hard to get back into it. I don't ever know where to begin. But here's Outside the Box and Fash at Christmastime. He's complaining that her stocking is twice the size of his and thus, may contain more gifts. I.T.'s aunt knitted these stockings when the kids were born. I guess the pattern elongated over time.

 This was a favorite Christmas moment. Ever since the kids were little, we've always read the Christmas story from the Bible before we open stockings and gifts. Here's I.T. reading the story with Pilgrim in the background. It was so nice having Pilgrim home.

And then, as always happens- off he goes back to California. This is Pilgrim on the right, then his roommate, his neighbor from Cali and his roommate's girlfriend-at the airport. A bunch of nice, musically talented kids.

Maybe I've blogged it before, I don't know, but Sundays are doomsdays for me since the empty nest thing hit. I always miss the kids the most on Sunday. Sunday was always family day at our house, so I guess it just feels extra empty on Sunday. Church should provide some solace but:

 I'm not experiencing any community at the church we've been attending for about fourteen years and that makes me not really want to go there. But it's hard to find a new church. I've been attending church all my life, I would have thought that by this point I'd feel a real sense of belonging within a church family. So that whole situation compounds my Sunday blues.

But today is Tuesday. Tuesday is not a day for the blues. I'm feeling a little more energy today than I had yesterday. So, I'm going to steam clean the carpets.